4th of July, Willis, and a Family Who Cares...

So, this past month I have been thinking about Willis a lot more frequently, for those of you who don't know, Willis was a guy I knew, and cared very deeply about, who committed suicide in his own backyard just over a year ago.

What really started my thoughts about him was the 4th of July. The family I'm staying with, who also happened to be his family, had a BBQ and a bonfire. This was the first time they have actually celebrated the 4th since Willis died. All I could think of is how much fun he would have had. I could imagine him sitting and laughing with us around the fire and everything. It was really hard for me...I can only imagine what it was like for this family. Another thing that really hit home is that I got to see where it happened. We were walking down to the river behind the house and we passed the tree where he hung himself. That part of the tree is now a stump, but seeing that made it so much more real. I guess I was still in the "is he really gone" phase of grief, and seeing that made it more concrete that he's not coming back.

A lot of the time I feel really awkward and such because I know this family wasn't ready to take someone else in, even if it is only temporary. I know that they're still healing, I know that it still hurts. But they took me in anyways. Me, a girl who has attempted suicide many times, a girl who has been on life support because of her suicide attempt, a girl who can't help but think about suicide sometimes. They know that I struggle with suicide on a regular basis and they still took that chance and offered me a safe place to stay.

There aren't really words for how much I appreciate this family. They give me a place to sleep, they feed me, they let me use their shower and such, and they take me to school 4 nights a week. They don't have to do this for me, but they did knowing that I have nothing to give them in return.

I'm completely terrified that one day soon they will get sick of me staying with them and they will kick me out just like my parents have done. This really does seem too good to be true.