Changing with Change

Over the last few weeks here at Home Lifestyles (the independent living home I live in) I have noticed some changes in me. Yes some of those changes are from my eating disorder (EDNOS) and some are from not having had my medications for a minute, but there are other more subtle changes I have noticed.

There are physical changes albeit most are probably from my EDNOS, but they are still there. My face is thinner when I look in the mirror and my cheek bones stand out more. My hair that was once a vibrant purple had changed to a less vibrant burgundy with a few hints of pink and orange. It hangs flat, straight, and long, at shoulder length it is the longest it has been in years. Its nothing special but its pretty and sometimes I can fluff it up. My eyes have their shine back and my lips are fuller like they used to be.

There are emotional changes albeit most of these are from not having my meds for a minute, but they're still here. I spend most of my time in a chill state where I'm just the fun loving me I've missed so dearly, but I also spend much of my time in the manic stage. I feel like there isn't anything I can't do. I dance around the room to my music playing as loud as possible, I power clean, and I talk like crazy! With mania also comes depressive stages and I've had my fair share of those too. Usually when I'm in a depressive stage ill go next door and watch TV with everyone else to distract myself and text some friends and I survive. This is not to say I haven't self harmed since I got here (I did have one major breakdown one night that ended with more than a few cuts) but I'm more stable now.

I guess my whole point of writing this is to say that I'm not the same girl who was in that shelter two months ago...heck...I'm not even the same girl who was in the hospital a month ago. I've changed and I didn't even see it until today. These changes are good ones for the most part, though I am now back on my meds and will be stable again soon.

I'm changing with the change.

Xoxoxoxo much love to all who read this!