"I didn't know I was broken, until I wanted to change."

The title of this particular post could not be more true.

"I didn't know I was broken, until I wanted to change."

I started therapy young. I started cutting young. My suicidal thoughts and ideations started when I was younger than I care to admit.

Though I was in therapy I wasn't getting anywhere. My life was still going downhill. This went on for years up until about a year ago. Almost a year ago I was in Havenwyck Psychiatric Hospital for 21 days. My best friend had just died, my Great Grandma died just days after Christmas while I was in the hospital. I had a lot of time to think and process things. I had nowhere to go, my family didn't want me anymore. I had been that difficult to live with.

It was in that hospital room that I decided I really was going to try. There had been many times prior to this that I said I was going to change. The thing that made this time different is I actually started doing the work. I applied myself in therapy, I did my therapy homework, I listened to my therapists suggestions.

When I was forced to move back into my mom's house I thought I was going to slip into the mindset I had been in when I was in Havenwyck, but I didn't. I fought to get therapy. I called TTI many many times. I got myself back into DBT, I got myself a psychiatrist I am comfortable with, I even got a case manager. I did it myself. I didn't wait until I had a breakdown and was sent to common ground. I was pro active and I got shit done.

Now, with some changes that I will discuss at a later time once all people who will be immediately affected have been notified. I am going to have to do the same thing. I will have support, but it will always be up to me,

To all of you out there, it is up to you. No one can make you change. You have to want to make your life better.

Many thanks to Bleachers and their song titled "I Wanna Get Better" for the inspiration for this post.

Much love to all my readers.

xoxoxo