Frustrating but Temporary

Little known fact:

I was the one to bring the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to my psychiatrists attention. I learned about it in an abnormal psychology class, researched it and said "hey, that's me." I had my friends read the information I printed out about it and they all agreed. So, I brought my self knowledge and what I had researched to my doctor. He didn't agree at first because I, in his eyes, was missing one key factor I wasn't "upsetting enough." This doctor who barely knew me had the guts to tell me I am not upsetting enough to have a disorder when I have all of the other symptoms? Well, let's just say he quickly learned first hand over our next few sessions how "upsetting" I really am. Needless to say, by being myself I got the right diagnosis and am now getting the most effective kind of therapy.

Okay so here is the real blog post:

I am on the verge of some HUGE life changes. I am leaving the city I have known most of my life to move to a place I visited once as a kid.

My mom is not moving with me.

My cat is not moving with me.

My brother is not moving with me.

The three most important things in my life are staying right here in Michigan where they belong.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am moving to Pocatello, Idaho.

I am moving in November.

November 11th to be more precise.

I have wonderful and supportive people who offered to let me live with them.

I've known them for what feels like forever.

I'm also extremely emotional.

Partially because of the things mentioned above and partially because they
are closing down the Kmart I work at.

It's "normal" to be emotional about moving. It's even "normal" to be upset about your place of work closing.

Here's the thing, I am upset about my Kmart being shut down when I already knew I was leaving and when we already knew in our hearts they were shutting us down.

I can see being upset for a day but it's been three and I still cry whenever I think about even going to Kmart.

It's just sad to me that they are getting rid of the place I have grown so fond of and the people I grew to love so dearly.

This is where people educated in psychology (other than my therapist who does her best to validate me instead of stereotype me) look at me and tell me I'm a "classic borderline."

I honestly am so completely devastated.

I feel as if my world is crashing around me.

Not because I'm moving to another state but because I'm losing something I knew would be temporary.

I KNEW it was temporary!

I KNEW!!

But here I am in tears most of the time because of this situation.

I'm not going to agree with various doctors who call me a "classic borderline" because that says to me I am BPD not I have BPD.

I am going to say I am definitely an individual who exhibits extreme signs and traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I say it my way and not the doctors way because the doctors way makes me feel like I'm stuck being "A borderline" whereas my way tells me at this point in time in my life I am showing signs of having this specific psychiatric disorder and I can work towards recovery through DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy).

I am not a borderline, I am an individual who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.

This is frustrating, but temporary.

Much love, be safe!

xoxoxo